My seaman my world <3

I think of him more and more
I find myself being stuck on him
His smile, his eyes, his entire being
As though he is some kind of a drug
And im the druggie
He’s amazing
He’s brilliant
He is my seaman
My seal
I have never felt this
But i would love to hold him
In my heart forever
If its meant to be
God will allow it
He is a magnificent guy
And he is the one that holds that place
In my heart
The spot that cannot be mistaken
I love you sammie
I feel this is so true and dear
You are my whole world!

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I love you mami

I dont know why things happen
I dont know what happened then
I wouldnt change a thing
Other than being with my mom more
She is my life, my whole world
My mom is everything to me
I want her to know how much i care
She is amazing
I dont know where i would be without her
She gave me life
She is who i wish i could be
I love you mami forever and always

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Amnesia

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they’re still living in my phone
I’ll admit I like to see them, I’ll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I’m not around

It hurts to know you’re happy, yeah, it hurts that you’ve moved on
It’s hard to hear your name when I haven’t seen you in so long

It’s like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I’d hold you closer than I ever did before
And you’d never slip away
And you’d never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

‘Cause I’m not fine at all
No, I’m really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
‘Cause I’m really not fine at all

Dont give up on what is possible

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Why me

Why does it have to be this way
Can you not see the pain i feel inside
I am struggling
The smile on my face is a cry for help
I am falling fast
I dont know how much more i can take
The misery inside is your hurricane
Passing through me like a wildfire
I am desperate for a way out
I feel numb
Im just going through the motions
Does nobody hear my cry
Can anyone hear me at all
Is anyone there listening
Or am i alone in this world
I find myself thinking
Of my past
Mostly of the hurt
Each cut gets deeper with every thought
Until one is too deep
And i cannot take it back
I find myself lost
Stuck in the dark side of the mind
No way out
Im drowning
In an ocean of depression
“Help me,” i cry
But i get no answer
The pain has won

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It’s been a while so I think it’s time to catch up on my blog

so lately I’ve been busy with school and the national honor society. I just started my junior year in high school. Things have been great so far this year. I found the love of my life, and made new friends. It’s crazy how fast time has gone. It’s different loving someone after so many hardships but I would love Jesse Pagan even if he were completely opposite from me. He’s truly the one I want to spend forever with if only he could realize this. We are almost exactly alike and I love that he’s my perfect match even with all of his flaws that make him who he is. People say teens are too young to know what love is, but when you’ve lost it so many times you neverforget the feeling but when I’m with Jesse, it’s as though we are the only people left in this entire universe and if I had to spend it with anyone I would be glad to spend it with him. Now I’m still in love with him but we aren’t together anymore. And school isn’t the same because of that. I live everyday with the fear of losing him completely but I look towards god for an answer. Hopefully he answers my prayers.

over you for good

i am finally happy

and you aren’t the reason why

this is the best feeling in the world

i’m over you for good!

 

so goodbye to everything

all of those memories….. gone

and i am not hurting

i had a weight lifted away

 

you brought me pain and sorrow

without you i am free

this goodbye was perfect

it has shown me the light

that’s why i’m over you for good

 

i’m not your puppet anymore

the strings are gone

along with your memory

this is me……..

 

i hope you miss me

so that you feel what i felt

only to realize you are no longer wanted or needed

the day for making pretzels

well today my friend and I decided to make pretzels. we planned to be at my house and bake since I leave the state soon. today has been great! we are some crazy people, but you gotta love us. so far we have made about 5 of the amazing pretzels.

having a day devoted to hanging out with a friend is the best way to have an amazing time. Red heart          Japan Jan 2012 (10)